The Undoing: A Poem
September 26th, 2017 is the day I really allowed myself to feel. The day before I had a sister friend in a group chat ask me how I was processing all that was going on currently with the NFL and my husband serving in the military. At first I really didn't know how to answer because we are stationed in Italy, and because we live in Italy it's almost as if we are detached. No one talks about this stuff over coffee here. When I did mention what happened in Charlottesville to several people, it was brushed to the side, or they had no idea what was going on. That bothered me. It bothered me that these were followers of Christ that didn't have much to say because it wasn't happening here. That caused wrestle in me.
On that September day, I listened to a podcast one of my sister friends posted awhile ago by Cultural Shock called White Supremacy and I wept. I lamented to God. Not just for what happened in Virginia, not only for the lack of addressing the reason why Kaepernick kneeled, but for all the black men and women who were made in the image of God who've been murdered senselessly by police officers in these past five years. For the lack of accountability of these police officers, and unfair prison sentences towards black people and other "minority" people. For the systemic racism in America that isn't owned up to. For the devastating lack of sympathy and support from white Christian brother and sisters. I cried out repenting for my lack of action and timidness in speaking up... I FELT that day.
Out of that hurt, I started to feel my soul move in a way it hadn't in a really long time. My numbness was tingling with sensation again and my mouth was saying words in a rhythm they haven't exercised in years. That raw and vulnerable moment birthed a poem. I thought I had completely lost my ability to be creative with words I once used all the time. However, on that September day my fingers were typing on the word document. It's brought so much relief, healing, and vibrancy back into my soul and I thanked God He put this in me to write. So below is my written poem and video called, "The Undoing," the first poem I've written as a Christian and first one I've written since high school. Thank you in advance for taking the time to read, watch, and listen to this project that has been the most meaningful project I've ever created. May it bless, make aware, convict, soften hearts, and compel us all into action (especially the church) for justice for ALL people that America claims to do but fails to promise.
This bears tremendous weight,
Like trying to bench press 300 pounds.
And has a stench of,
Enormous amounts of excrement sitting under the sun
In undeveloped towns
Most of you won’t listen.
Most of you won’t finish.
Because it hurts.
Because it stings,
Who would want to face reality when sin traveled so far down your sleeves,
To bind your wrists with bronze and iron.
Your heart hardened
Denying Satan a liar…
So you bow down to your idols:
Sculptures of bronze, stitches of fabric, false promises of unity,
But patriotism favors one community…
This country was never for me and my good.
Maybe that’s why they enslave us.
Maybe that’s why they hate us.
Maybe that’s why they shoot us.
See, we are made in the image of God too,
But you, white supremacists,
Deny that we also are chosen.
Be weary of associating the name of Jesus to your bigotry,
Jesus was clear that bad fruit can’t bear on a good fruit tree (Luke 6:43-45)
Please listen to my cries!
I am not playing the victim
I’m just hurting deep inside.
You want to pacify me to keep quiet,
And if you won’t kneel for justice with us,
I know a man who will,
And fully human,
Who didn’t come in the name of American or Republican,
Who didn’t see earthly allegiance as His vision,
But to save the world was about His Father’s business.
He did not come to bring peace,
But a sword,
This is the Jesus some of y’all ignore.
Anyone who loves his mother and father,
Daughter and son,
Country and self,
Not willing to loose His life for the sake of Christ
Is not worthy of Him. (Matthew 10:34-39)
And one day soon…
One day soon,
All things will be made new,
Worshiping our Father in our citizenship of Heaven.
We don’t know the hour or the second,
But one day
That trumpet gon’ blow
And everyone on earth will see King Jesus
Every tribe, tongue, and nation
Wailing at the sight of Him;
To some He’ll say,
“I never knew you.”
So if there is an ounce of conviction,
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins
And cleans us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9)
If you’d just bear with us:
And walk humbly with [our] God (Micah 6:8)
We will kneel against one color
Having more privilege than another.